Good Advertising?

I came across this interesting article the other day. Entitled, "Are we sinning yet" it talks about one Canadian website's attempts to create spiritual dialogue about subjects that perhaps non-Christians do not often think about. I am interested in this because the website has placed ads in magazines in newspapers which take a different approach to advertising. I will let the ads speak for themselves below. What I want to know is would this approach be tolerated in the Bible-Belt, where it seems that advertising tactics have mainly included quippy sayings on marquee boards. Tell me what you think. I included the picture and cited the caption underneath because the font text is too small in the picture!

-Would you still take your kids? After all, isn't Christmas supposed to be about Him, not the guy in the red suit? Or can it be about both? Share your opinion at http://www.wondercafe.ca/, the home of lively discussion on spiritual topics, moral issues and life's big questions.

"Does anyone object?" - What do you think? Let us know at www.wondercafe.ca, the home of lively discussion on spiritual topics, moral issues and life's big questions.

Green Tag " __ Agree", Red Tag " __ Disagree" - Want to explore your spirituality in a place that's as open-minded as you? Drop by www.wondercafe.ca and join the discussion.

"How much fun can sex be before it's a sin?" - Moral issues, spiritual topics, life's big questions - they're all up for discussion at www.wondercafe.ca. So drop by and pull up a chair.

On tag, "WARNING: some re-assembly of priorities and beliefs may be required." - Parenthood changes everything - including how you view the world. Every day at www.wondercafe.ca people like you explore and discuss spiritual topics, moral issues and life's big questions. So drop by, pull up a chair and join the discussion.

"__ Funny, __ Ticket to Hell" - What do you think? Let us know at www.wondercafe.ca, the home of lively discussion on spiritual topics, moral issues and life's big questions.

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Tell me your thoughts.

~JK

Good Advertising?

You Complete Me, My Better Half.

"You complete me." I remember when the movie that popularized this phrase came out. I don't think I was allowed to see it (I still have only seen the first few minutes). I have seen the scene where Tom Cruise says this line to Renee Zellweger. Since then, I have heard people say this or similar things to it over and over again. I have often wondered what exactly it means. Even though it was meant to be romantic, I think it portrays an incredibly unhealthy way of interacting in a relationship. When one person is so dependent on another that when they are not together, they cannot function, there is a problem. This is no different than saying, "She is my other half." I am guilty of saying this. Usually in the form of, "She is my better half." Its a nice flattering thing to say but is it really the way that we should establish ourselves within our marriage union?

There are a lot of fancy psychological words used to describe this idea. Differentiation of Self, Undifferentiated Ego Mass, Internal Locus of Self. All of them are basically describing one thing. A confidence in one's self that is so solid that if one was separated from any other particular person or group of people, they would still be able to function in a healthy way. We are of course not talking in spiritual terms here (There is a whole additional blog post devoted to differentiation and spirituality). Its a wonderful thing when two people can come together not because they need each other but because they want each other. This deepens the relationship to a level that is more voluntary and vulnerable.

What would marriages look like if instead of being with someone because they met a need and filled an empty void, we entered into these relationships because there is something about the other that is so desirable that (I almost said, "we can't live without") if they felt the same desire and passion for us, a glimpse of heaven on earth would be seen. I don't want to live in a world where I need things. I don't want to live in a world where I am needed. I want to live in a world where those in relationship with me are there because of desire and admiration.

~JK

You Complete Me, My Better Half.

Does God Always Get What He Wants?

Leave a comment.

A follow-up will be posted soon.

~JK

Does God Always Get What He Wants?

Perfect!

Does this picture really need an explanation?

~JK

Perfect!

The Face of Christ

This song has struck me pretty hard a few times this week. Maybe I am becomeing more aware of the poverty around me because of various things happening at church or interacting with the shattered lives of children who have been the victims of poverty related lifestyles. Its amazing how viewing the world with the lenses of this song have caused me to rethink what is important and how I react to the "crises" in my own life.

Face of Christ, by Chris Rice

He shares a room outside with a dozen other guys
And the only roof he knows is that sometimes starry sky
A tattered sleeping bag on a concrete slab is his bed
And it's too cold to talk tonight
So I just sit with him instead and think

How did I find myself in a better place
I can't look down on the frown on the other guy's face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

After sixteen years in a cold, gray prison yard
Somehow his heart is soft, but keeping simple faith is hard
He lays his Bible open on the table next to me
And as I hear his humble prayer
I feel his longing to be free someday

How did I find myself in a better place
I can't look down on the frown on the other guy's face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

See you had no choice which day you would be born
Or the color of your skin, or what planet you'd be on
Would your mind be strong, would your eyes be blue or brown
Whether daddy would be rich, or if momma stuck around at all

So if you find yourself in a better place
You can't look down on the frown on the other guy's face
You gotta stoop down low, look him square in the eye

And get a funny feeling, ‘cause you might be dealing

...How did I find myself in a better place
I can't look down on the frown on the other guy's face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

~JK

The Face of Christ

I No Longer Live

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Gal. 2:20

What does this mean?

I am laying my life down willingly.

I am not going to choose to be rescued.

I am going to forgive others.

I am going to depend on God.

I am going to suffer.

I am worth death on a cross.

I am going to rise again.

I am eternal.

~JK

I No Longer Live

S.O.A.R. - Spotlight On A Relationship

Soar: To rise or aspire to a higher or more exalted level.

Today is my parent's

Wedding Anniversary!

Mom and Dad (Jeff and Terri Kellar) have been married for 27 years. They have 3 kids and 3 grandkids! Dad serves as the Worship Minister for Kingwood Church of Christ and Mom works for The Mudpie Company, a paint your own pottery studio. Mom and Dad have been an example to me of what it means to be committed through thick and thin. I look up to them for their dedication to each other as well as their devotion to the Lord. As they become more experienced in ministry, it is incredible to see how God is using their experiences to bless those around them.

Mom and Dad, I'm proud of you!

~JK

S.O.A.R. - Spotlight On A Relationship

Love, Hesitation, & Obedience

If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.
~Oswald Chambers

What are the implications of this statement? Does our love for God and Christ merit, unquestionable obedience? Is obedience or disobedience automatically a reflection and indication of our love? Are we really hesitant to listen because we love someone or something else or have we simply temporarily forgotten that He is the way? Is my love for someone else (not myself) ever going to come into contrast with obedience to Him and if it does, does that mere hesitation mean I love the other more than Christ? Are we called to live unhesitant lives where we do not think about the weight of our love and the possible outcome of not living in sync with it?

~JK

Love, Hesitation, & Obedience

Taking the Fat out of Fatherhood

Here are some tendencies and assumptions I have noticed that I have as a father:

1. If there is something I need to do, Krista will take care of Miriam.
2. Every diaper I change is, by far, dirtier than any Krista changes.
3. If Miriam is crying and I have not been able to get her to stop, Krista knows the automatic answer and handing Miriam to her will serve as a cry-plug, thus ending the crying.
4. Krista does not mind being used as a cry-plug.
5. I seem to expect that when I get home the 9 hours I have put in are more stressful and demanding than the 9 hours Krista has put in, and I deserve a short break.

Luckily I did not notice (or these were not brought to my attention) all at once. The learning curve is pretty huge right now but I feel like the implications of these assumptions I have are pretty far reaching. Also the response to one assumption or tendency has impact over a wide range of other selfish actions. I have thought a lot about why I do some of these things and really what it comes down to is entitlement.

Entitlement describes a way of looking at life that says, “I am owed something.” It says, “Other people should cater to my needs because I have done something or I am a certain way that is deserving.” In essence it disregards the accomplishments and validity of other people and places the ownership of all the appreciation that is due on one person.

I have realized that this entitlement attitude is, ironically, what creates lazy, fat fathers. When fathers come home from work and decide without discussing with their wives that they deserve a break and sit in front of the television for an hour, this is entitlement. When after working a 40 or more hour week a man decides that he can go hunting or golfing over the weekend, leaving his wife and kids at home, this is entitlement. Unfortunately when fathers get home and need a drink to relax, and feel that one beer just isn’t enough to reward such hard work, this is entitlement. I am not suggesting that I do all these things, nor that all these things are bad at all times. I am suggesting that recognition and appreciation is not something we take, it is something we are given. When we demand time for ourselves and show an attitude of entitlement we are the only ones doing any appreciating.

The reason I say we need to take the fat out of fatherhood is not because I believe that all fathers are overweight. I simply believe that there is often a selfish, inward focused attitude behind the attitudes of fathers. I am also not suggesting that this same attitude is always at the center of overweight people. The focus here is on entitlement. How much more rewarding would the hunting trip or afternoon of golf be if it were something granted to husbands instead of taken. I think that when recognition is given to moms for their hard work and when they are shown that their full-time job of taking care of children is not taken for granted, the husbands will only find a sense of entitlement because it is given to them by their families. I think at this point it will no longer be entitlement but rather privilege.

~JK

Taking the Fat out of Fatherhood

Worthy or Not?

If you wish to learn and appreciate something worth while, then love to be unknown and considered as nothing. Truly to know and despise self is the best and most perfect counsel. To think of oneself as nothing, and always to think well and highly of others is the best and most perfect wisdom. Wherefore, if you see another sin openly or commit a serious crime, do not consider yourself better, for you do not know how long you can remain in good estate. All men are frail, but you must admit that none is more frail than yourself.
~Thomas à Kempis

Are we worthy or not? I have recently been struggling through the tension of our worthiness before God. It seems that I hear many different perspectives on it. “In order to find grace we must realize our unworthiness,” “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Heb 4:16),” “Love to be unknown and considered as nothing.” Where do I find myself in my relationship to God? Am I worthy or not? Should I only consider myself unworthy when I am thinking about other people? Does God only consider me worthy if I am making myself unworthy? Should I really love to be unknown and considered as nothing and is this what God desires for me to strive for if he himself loves me and considers me a child of his. Are we worthy or not?

~JK

Worthy or Not?

The Character of Parenthood

There are several things that have been swimming through my head recently regarding children. A mixture of events has caused me to seriously reflect the nature of parenthood and how people are so different when it comes to the experiences which give their parenting a specific personality.

Several people have commented on how laid back Krista and I are as parents. I am not sure why we so laid back or what exactly they mean by that, but (right now) it seems like a good thing. I am constantly learning about what it takes for me to be a good dad. Krista will be returning to work soon and I will need to be able to take care of Miriam on my own. I am not sure I am totally ready for this. The biggest challenge is feeding her. I have tried to give her a bottle several times and she can definetely tell a difference. This means there is a lot of loud screaming and wigling around in her efforts to communicate with me that my efforts to feed her are not adequate. In this situation, I am forced to be calm and patient.

....not always easy.

We have some good friends here in Abilene who have been on an emotional roller coaster recently with their own pregnancy. They were overjoyed when they found out they were pregnant, heartbroken when the ER doctor told them they were having a miscarriage, slightly relieved when their OBGYN told them to disregard the ER doctor's prognosis and now they are living week to week waiting and hoping that they will continue to hear good news. Six weeks into pregnancy and their prespective on parenting is already being shaped by the prospect of losing a child. In the midst of it, they have found comfort and care in the prayers and concerns of their church family.

At work, I am constantly reminded that there are some who handle the pressure much differently. I get the feeling that what characterizes their parenting is not patience and calmness, seeing the child as one of the most precious gifts God could ever give them. Rather the child is a burden, one that is an inconvenience and disposable. Why else would a parent voluntarily give up their parental rights of the child over to the state, or pass their daughter around to a group of boyfriends or hold their son's hands in a pot of hot oil?

Through it all, I am convinced that the meaning behind God our father and us his children sheds light onto what parenthood should be characterized by. We are not disposable, it isnt always easy but there is always someone who cares.

~JK

The Character of Parenthood

Miriam

This is by far my favorite picture of Miriam so far. It is truly amazing how much time out of my day is used up just looking at this little girl. She is truly beautiful. God has blessed us incredibly.

~JK

Miriam

Hope for Tomorrow, Inc.

I started a new job about 3 weeks ago. I am the new clinical case manager at Hope for Tomorrow. HFT is a non-profit foster and adoption placement agency. They are extremely Christ centered in their approach to providing children removed from their homes by the state the kind of care they need.
My job to ensure that the treatment plans written on all the children are meeting the minimum standards set by the state and our licensing agencies. I also am in charge of contracting with therapists across the state to provide counseling for each child.

So far, I have really enjoyed my job. It is challenging at times because I read about why children are taken from their homes and the behavioral problems which are (in my mind) the direct result of not having positive influences in their life. It is rewarding to know that I have a part in helping them to know Christ through the team assigned to work with them. So many of these kids would certainly not have had the chance to develop a relationship with Him if they had not been taken from the home. The efforts of the HFT staff may not end in children having life-long relationships with Jesus, but hopefully they are able to see that there are people who are not going to take advantage or neglect them.

~JK

Hope for Tomorrow, Inc.

Enjoying the Journey

I say its not so bad...Perhaps that is because I am not getting up as much in the middle of the night as Krista is. Perhaps this is because, while I have emotional needs that are being met as I hold her and care for her, Miriam does not depend on me for anything she needs in order to survive. I do not seem to mind waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers or to burp her. Her crying is even cute sometimes when her little lip quivers. Its really not as bad as people make it out to be. Or perhaps...

I just love being a father.

I have not experienced anything so far that I have not enjoyed about having an infant. All along, since we found out we were pregnant (I say "we" because as a family systems theorist, when there is a change in one part of the system, there is always a change in the rest of the system....We were pregnant....We had a baby) we have tried to take everything that happens as an opportunity to learn something new. A good friend of mine once said to enjoy the journey. I think this approach to life helps me to not be bothered by the 3 am feedings or the wacky emotions of a pregnant woman. Looking at life as a journey, I see each moment as a chance to realize something new.

When Miriam cries at night and I wake her up, check her diaper and do not find anything, instead of getting frustrated that I got up for nothing, I get to see Krista - as tired as she is - wake up and feed her without complaining. She may even sometimes smile as I hand Miriam to her and say lovingly, "Are you hungry precious?" I am enjoying the journey. I love to see the joy that my daughter brings to life and the faces on others as she begins to cry. I am not in a hurry to see her grow up, I do not pine for the day she is sleeping through the night or for the day she says, "Daddy" for the first time. I loved today because I got to see her smile. I loved the five minute break I had just now so I could put her to bed.

I am enjoying the journey.

~JK

Enjoying the Journey

It takes a village...

There's an African proverb which says, "It takes a village to raise a child." The good news is that we now have a child. The sad news is that part of the vilalge left yesterday.

On August 28th at 8:49 am, Miriam Grace Kellar entered the world. Her dad, and her Mimi were both in the room as she entered it. It was beautiful. I never thought a greyish-blue, cottage cheese covered being could be so incredible....but she was. We spent the next 36 hours oohing and aahhing over her in the hospital. Then we brought her home and havent stopped the oohing and aahhing. Krista's mom was here all week with us to help adjust to having a third Kellar in the home. She left our home yesterday and it was a sad day. Krista cried, I sighed, Miriam just slept as if nothing was changing. The last 24 hours have been very interesting, just seeing how life is going to be as a family of three (for a while at least). It is wonderful having Miriam home with us now. I have commented several times about how in a matter of seconds, she went from being someone who needed rather little attention to someone who is in constant need of attention and supervision. It is a joy having her here. Krista will be staying home for a few months to further help us adjust. Since Sally (a.k.a. Mimi) was here, I realized how important it is to have a parent devote constant attention to their child. Everything went very smooth while she was here. They still seem to be going fine, although it will take a week or two before we run out of clean laundary and food that was brought by friends. It has been great seeing the support of friends and family in the first week of her life. It's a good feeling to know that there is a village that already loves her (almost) as much as we do.

~JK

It takes a village...

Miriam's First Picture

Here is a 4d sonogram picture of Miriam we had a couple months ago. The detail is incredible. It was at this moment that it really hit home that she is being knit together in Krista's womb!

~JK

Miriam's First Picture

In brief...

Here are the bulleted highlights of the last month or so:

• Krista and I both graduated with our Masters degrees last friday.
• Krista is dilated to 1.5 and has been have some contractions each day
• We had a baby shower where Miriam received enough pink clothing to last till she is 16 years old.
• I began a new job on Tuesday for an adoption/foster casre placement agency. I am the clinical case manager for half of Texas servicing over 600 kids and 200 families.

I guess that is the gist of what is happening. Send me an email of you want more details!

~JK

In brief...

Grace, Love and Knowledge

"For what would it profit us to know the whole Bible by heart and the principles of all the philosophers, if we live without grace and the love of God?" -Thomas a Kempis

I guess you could say I am nesting in more than one way. For the last several months, Krista and I have been feverishly trying to get the house ready for Miriam. We have been painting, gathering baby furniture, etc. I have also found a new interest in parenting material. I have been reading through several different articles and books on parenting. I scan the pages of What to Expect When You are Expecting hoping to glean information that will prepare me for being a parent. I have no doubt that all this information is good, yet I am continuously reminded that I will understand everything better once I am actually a parent.

I have heard relentlessly the phrase, "You will understand when your baby comes." I do not resent this but rather it reminds me that nothing adequately prepares you for being a parent other than being a parent. I find myself trying not to rely too heavily on the books I read or the tidbits of information others share with me rather the moments experienced between Krista, Miriam and I.

I consider these moments of God's grace and love. He shows me grace by giving me moments of learning as Krista and I discuss bringing Miriam home from the hospital. I feel graced when I see Krista holding her tummy as Miriam kicks her little feet inside. I experience His love when I realize I do not have to wait for delivery to know these things. The "principles of philosophers," and stories of faith in the Bible I read are definitely helpful insights but it is through these moments of grace and love when I feel the most knowledge.

~JK

Grace, Love and Knowledge

Why do I want to be a parent?

I have finished my classes, taken the national marriage and family therapy exam and am just a few weeks away from completing my hour requirments for graduation. My mind has begun to wander to other matters on the horizon. For those who read this blog and do not talk to me in person, Krista and I found out abotu a month ago that we are having a little . Miriam Grace Kellar is growing nicely inside my wife's womb and the nursery is coming together. My thoughts seem to be more and more occupied with the birth of my child and how I am going to support her. Thoughts about how I plan to parent and how things will be different seem to pervade my silent time. I decided to buy a parenting book by an author who spoke at ACU recently. Here are some reflections as I have just finished the first chapter.

Why do I want to be a parent? This question drove the insights of the first chapter and called into question my intentions for bringing another child into this world. Do I want to be a parent because I think I will be good at it? Many people have told me that I will be a good father. I am flattered by this but I am not convinced that this is the reason. I have often found myself feeling like parenting is simply the next step in the formation of my family. Krista and I have been married for just over four years, why shouldnt we have a child. Despite the fact that Krista and I made a decision we were ready to have kids, this decision was not based on either of these. We both wanted children. We have always known that. We had names picked out before we were even married. I think we had both just assumed we would but did not perhaps really investigate why.

In his book, Sacred Parenting, Gary Thomas proposes that the reason we have kids is not for the children's sake. He says there is something about being a parent that changes us. In our effort to raise spiritual children, we have to be spiritual. Our relationship with God is transformed as we live out our desire to raise children in the image of his Son. He writes,

"We live in the midst of holy teachers. Sometimes they spit up on themselves or on us. Sometimes they throw tantrums. Sometimes they cuddle us and kiss us and love us. In the good and the bad they mold our hearts, shape our souls, and invite us to experience God in newer and deeper ways."

In the good and the bad they mold, shape and invite us to experience God. I want this to be why I parent. There is something that is already happening to me as I look on the growing belly of my wife. I know there is a child of God inside that I have so much to learn from.

~JK

Why do I want to be a parent?

Mostly Finished!!

I have officially completed all the classroom assignments for my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy Degree. All I have left to complete is my internship. By August, I should have 500 hours of clinical counseling completed and will graduate. May 20th, I will take the National Marriage and Family Therapy Licensing Exam and should I pass that test, will become a LMFTA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Associate. What this exactly means is that I will have to begin accumulating a totally new set of counseling hours (this time its 3,000) and once that happens, I will be an LMFT. I'm currently looking for jobs in Abilene where I can work part time, preferably counseling, and continue my ministerial education. It feels good to be done, but I should probably start studying for the National Exam.

~JK

Mostly Finished!!

Jesus and Sin, Part 1

Did Jesus want to sin?


This post is totally unrelated to my previous post regarding needing and wanting sex. :o)

~JK

Jesus and Sin, Part 1

Is it Better to Need or to Want Sex?

Here's the question which drove our discussion this morning in my sex therapy class:
When it comes to being needed and being wanted, which is a heathier perspective when it comes to sexual experience?

I will post more later but its interesting to hear different ideas of what is behind sexual intention. How is our view of sex impacted whether we view it from a "need-based" perspective or a "want-based" perspective?

I understand that this discussion is a bit more frank than others but hopefully the diablogue will be insightful and eye-opening.

~JK

Is it Better to Need or to Want Sex?

A Toddler Teacher.

Last night Krista and I babysat for a friend. Their little girl is two years old and such a sweetie. As I was following this little girl around my not-yet-child-proof house like a lemming, I had the following reflections:

- There is a reason God gives us two years to prepare for having a toddler.
- No matter how messy it is, toddlers eating oranges are cute.
- Pacifiers (or cry-plugs as I like to call them) are made in heaven.
- Baby Einstein movies work well to help adults fall asleep.
- Two parents are not enough to keep track of one toddler's evening activities.
- Some games designed for children age three are more entertaining for children age twenty-four.
- No matter how innocent they look, toddlers can be competitive too.
- No matter how much more mature than toddlers they are, twenty-four year olds are also competitive.
- Nap time is more for adults than for two year olds.

Thats all I have for now, I am sure I will have other not-so-useful reflections in the future!

~JK

A Toddler Teacher.

M.Div Or MACM?

In August, I will graduate with my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. Some of my classmates are going on to work on Doctorates, some are going straight into the workforce as therapists. I, on the other hand, have another masters to finish. Before I began my MFT training I was enrolled at ACU in the Masters of Divinity program. I began the MFT program because I did not feel that my BA in Preaching (Harding University) or my M.Div from ACU were equipping me to do counseling in ministry. I love to counsel people and I wanted for this to be my focus regardless of what ministry position I land.

Currently, I am at a crossroads. To complete the M.Div would mean an addition 10 classes and possibly more than 2 more years of schooling. The alternative is to switch to an MA in Christian Ministry. This would mean possibly 4 more classes and I could be done in December or May. Now is the time to decide because depending on which route I take, I will need to register for classes this summer. I have heard different advice from several people, all of it has been helpful. Any feedback you might have would be appreciated!

Also, Krista and I find out next Monday (5-1-06) if we are having a boy or girl!

~JK

M.Div Or MACM?

Late Night Distractions

Back to the subject of oneness. I was reading more from Every Woman's Desire (Now called Every Man's Marriage) and the authors were talking about how oneness starts with submission. They cited the verse in Ephesians about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving their wives. The conclusion was that even though it doesnt say men are to submit to their wives, if we are to have oneness with them, as Christ does with his church, submission is the only path. I decided that a typical way men try to get wives to submit is to have them do work around the house. Tonight Krista went to visit her grandparents in Throckmorton, TX (pop. 900) so I thought I would surprise her by doing what other men might consider womens work. I did a little laundary, cleaned up the kitchen, tidied up the living room, saw the computer sitting on the couch, bent over to put it away and started checking my email. I then started blog chasing and now...I am posting on how easily I get distracted from doing things to submit. I didn't think becoming one would be so difficult. I know there is MUCH more to being one than housework - thank goodness. I know Krista will appreciate what I did, but as I have been at the computer for too long, I am tired and plan on going to bed, not having accomplished what I wanted to do. I am not sure where I meant for this to go but when I began writing it, I had some thought about the difficulty of trying to become one and how easily we get distracted by other less important things.

~JK

Late Night Distractions

A Bun in the Oven!!!

September 10th. That is the day that mine and Krista's life will change forever. September 10th is the date that in Dr. Tadvick's divine knowledge, has been decided that our first baby will be born! It is a day we are looking forward to! Here are a few of the first pictures!

This was taken at about 5 weeks. We nicknamed baby, "Dot."

These two are the same picture, one is just magnified. This was at about 8 weeks. "Dot" was affectionately renamed, "Blur."

Here's the story about how it happened...well...in a way:
Krista has been asking and asking about when we can have "the talk." I got tired of her asking and said that I wasnt even willing to talk about it until 9 months before we graduate, a.k.a. December. The beginning of December came around and Krista was nice enough to remind me (I knew it was December, but I like to tease her). I told her we still had another 30 days until December was over. I said this because I was really planning on giving her a late Christmas present. My Christmas present to her was that I was really ready and excited about deciding to start trying to have kids! About a week after Christmas, I planned a nice dinner and in my own special way (...not telling this part) I shared with her that I wanted to have kids.

A week later, I was taking a nap and Krista woke me up to ask me where some cash was. I thought this was strange so I told her there was some in my wallet. I pretended to go back to sleep and heard Krista leave. She came back a few minutes later and went straight into the bathroom and closed the door. This was also strange since when we are home alone, the door never gets closed. A few minutes later she came hopping out and was running around the house looking for something (I am still pretending to be napping and she is trying to be as quite as a woman who just had a positive pregnancy test can be). She came tip-toeing into the bedroom holding a box with a ribbon around it with me lying there with my eyes closed. Before she got to the bed to wake me up, I said, "You're pregnant aren't you!?!" "Hey!" she said as I got up and opened the box to see that there was indeed a home pregnancy test indicating that we would be having a baby.

Maybe it is just the skeptical side of me, but when a home pregnancy test claims to be 98.5 percent effective, I feel like I might fall into that category of people in the 1.5 percent who make all these plans to have a baby and then find out that there is a reason they make that claim. We did another home pregnancy test. Again...positive. We decided that we could probably rely on two positive tests. Looking back we think about how God must have been laughing when we were sitting there making plans while Krista had been pregnant for 3 weeks already. So the grandparents were told and the doctors appointments were made. Keep us in your continued prayers. We have had good results at the doctors visits so far. For now...we wait !

~JK

A Bun in the Oven!!!

Counseling the Katrina Aftermath

Nearly six months after hurricanes Katrina and Rita hit the gulf coast, there are still relief efforts being formed. This morning in our MFI staff meeting, Dr. Halstead told us about an opportuinity to go to New Orleans and counsel those who are dealing with the stress that has compounded over the last 6 months. It is amazing to see the long term effects this disaster is having on people. They struggle with not knowing what their future holds. As they try to repair the damage, they face constant reminders of loved ones who died and belongings they can never get back. Apparently, there is still an overwhelming amount of aid that is being sent down there. Church groups and relief agencies have hundreds of volunteers willing to go and muck out the houses. I have an opportunity to go and help people muck out their hearts. There is a Christian organization being formed to help with future crisis/relief needs as well. In addition, we will have the chance to lead a marriage enrochment seminar at the congregation that is putting this all together. Keep us in your prayers as we prepare to help!

~JK

Counseling the Katrina Aftermath

Desensitized?

It has happened. Yesterday I was sitting with Krista watching a movie. It had been a long day and I had seen a couple clients and I was thinking about how varied my life is. I sit in a counseling room as people poor out their hearts and troubles and I interact with them about them hoping that a word I say will offer a glimpse of hope and light in their darkness. Then I go home and eat supper. I listen to people talk about addictions, abuse and aimlessness and then head off to Wal-mart. Perhaps it is out of necessity, but I feel as though I have been desensitized. Should it be so easy to compartmentalize my life in such a way that I can be crying with a client one minute and laughing as I watch Dumb and Dumber the next? Maybe this isn't desensitization but something else. Every now and then I catch a glimpse of my life from a different perspective and it shocks me. What if I have things all wrong? Should I feel so much compassion that it is on my heart constantly? How do I appropriately separate my feelings of hurt and sorrow for my clients and my life outside the counseling room? These things keep me wondering about the joy of the Lord and his sorrow over the actions of his creation.

~JK

Desensitized?

A Decision Not to Love

What is the difference between oneness and love? Me and Dannie Rio were talking yesterday about love and oneness in marriage. A book we are reading said that a woman's essence sets the standard for oneness. We were quite sure how to take that. At first I was a little offended. I thought why should the woman be the one who sets the standard for my marriage. Immediately after vocalizing this frustration to Dannie, I realized it. The very reason women set this standard is seen in my frustration with it. There is something rebellious in man that wants to be the one to be independent. We want to take care of things on our own and when we have to depend on someone else, or open up to someone else, we resist. By being frustrated with the fact that it is probably true about her essence, I illustrate how this standard is something more difficult for me to achieve than her.

This doesnt mean that either one of us loves the other more or less. Oneness and love are two totally separate ideas. I have counseled many divorcing couples who say, "I still love him." Is this true. I think it probably is, but they certainly do not have oneness. I have decided not to strive to love Krista anymore. I want to be one with her. I think love is a component necessary for oneness and by settling for love, I may not have anything different than the divorcing couple I see each week.

~JK

A Decision Not to Love

Speaking of the Unspeakable

I am on break from my sex therapy class right now. We are talking about childhood sexual abuse and it struck me. This is not a topic that we have really talked much about in our churches. Why is that? Why is it that we have been so afraid to address this horrible sin and to confront it in a setting where people ought to feel that they can have the most love and support? Why have we been so afraid to help those who couldn't speak for themselves and resist those who have been more powerful? How can we make the church into a place where instead of perpetuating the abuser-victim's "No-Talk Rule" that we learn to speak about the unspeakable?

~JK

Speaking of the Unspeakable

Can He Still Feel the Nails?

Yesterday at church, the one who led the communion thought said something interesting. He said that Jesus feels the pain of the nails every time we sin. His comments reminded me of a frustration I have had for some time regarding a mentality that every single time we sin, it is as if Jesus is hung up on the cross, again and again. We even sing a beautiful song about it:

Can He still feel the nails
Every time I fail?
Can He hear the crowds
Cry crucify again?
Am I causing Him pain
When I know I've got to change?
Cause I just can't bear the thought
Of hurting him.

I wonder about the theology of such comments and songs for several reasons. When Jesus died, his sacrifice was different than all the other sacrifices in the Bible. In the Old Testament, the Jews had to make annual sacrifices in order to be rid of their sin. The sacrificial lamb was brought to the altar over and over again each year to reconcile God's people with himself (Lev. 16:34). What makes Jesus' sacrifice different is that unlike the lambs and other animals of the Old Testament, Jesus rose from the dead.

When I think about the thought of crucifying Jesus over and over again, I think I forget about the fact that his sacrifice was "once for all" (Heb. 7:27). I think also about Romans 6:8-10 which says, "Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God."

I am not trying to suggest that we shouldn't feel remorseful about our sin. I am sure that the intent of songs like Can He Still Feel the Nails? are meant to evoke an emotion leading to repentance and reflection on what was done so we might have it, yet I think the theology of the song should be questioned. Is Jesus sitting at the right hand of God wishing he had some Tylenol every time someone sins? If that is the case, how can we ever live with Him (Rom.6:8). I think it is a beautiful song that we sing, but in my head, I am thinking, "Can He still feel the nails? NO!!! He can't. He has risen!!!"

~JK

Can He Still Feel the Nails?

36 Down, Fourteen To Go!

Create Your Own Here!

I found a website where you can log all the states you have been to. Someday I will hit the fourteen states I havent visited.

~JK

36 Down, Fourteen To Go!

One in Christ

A few Sundays ago our congregation participated in something incredible. The Minter Lane Church of Christ and the North 10th and Treadaway Church of Christ had a joint worship service. The reason this service was so incredible was not because two congregations were gathering together to worship on a Sunday morning but because The Minter congregation is predominantly white and the North 10th Congregation is predominantly black. For some time, Doug Foster has been teaching on racial reconciliation and this gathering was evidence of two congregations desiring to have unity among believers despite past divisions and seemingly irreconcilable differences. I appreciated the thought and intention that went into the planning of the service and I hope that these two congregation will continue to dialogue about breaking the patterns of division which have often characterized our brotherhood.

~JK

One in Christ

Holidays, Family, and Stress

There's an old commercial of a large white house with blue shudders. The house is decorated with white icicle lights and pine wreaths with red bows. The snow is falling and the music is playing. A family gets out of their station wagon and makes their way up to the front door. In their arms are piled Christmas presents wrapped with beautiful paper and ribbon. Before the parents and their kids arrive at the door, grandma and grandma open the door with arms open wide and give each family member great big hugs then hurry them inside out of the cold. The next scene is the family sitting around the dining room table with a large Christmas ham and the place settings perfectly situated. The music still playing, the smiles and laughter provide a clear indication that everyone is enjoying themselves. The final scene is the family sitting around the Christmas tree in their pajamas. As dad opens his gift, he is delighted to receive another neck-tie. The kids are elated at the sight of all the presents and can hardly contain themselves until the receive the next wrapped gift to open. With the music still playing, its obvious that this is what a family is. Its obvious that this is what the holidays are all about. Its obvious that any person watching the commercial is thinking to themselves, why isn't my family like that.

For many people the thought of family time like this is not occasion to sing, "Joy to the World" or "Walking in a Winter Wonderland." For many, the mere thought of Christmas is stressful. Christmas to many means putting things on layaway which will be later bought with credit cards. It means putting on smiles while you pretend to enjoy being around relatives. It means enduring family traditions which feel like just another hoop to jump through until you can make (and break) another New Years resolution. For some, the thought of Christmas just reminds them of the stress they have to endure for an entire month. The joy of Christmas seems to be overshadowed by the pain of remembering hurt feelings and tense family environments.

Many of the clients I see at the Marriage and Family Institute express that they do not want to continue counseling during the holiday season because things are just too busy. Many times the holiday season brings up a lot of the pain associated with family for a variety of reasons. The family traditions cause people to long for the day when family members were still alive to share in them. Having family get togethers where abusive relatives are present presents its own kind of pain. The starting of new family traditions seems painful for parents who want their kids to do things the way they have always been done their way and stressful for grown kids who feel like they can't start their own without hurting the parents.

Many people don't know how to handle the stress. Many people attempt to plow through the stress and instead of starting a new year recharged and ready to go, they are left trying to recover from the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The problem is not having too many stressful tasks this month. The problem is that people often try to raise their level of stress tolerance instead of lowering it.

When people try to raise their level of stress tolerance, they are finding ways to add to their plate more of the same things which stress them out. If you already have 5 things on your plate and there are 3 things you cannot handle, raising your stress tolerance to deal with the three things left out will only help you feel like you can put more than eight things on your plate. Instead we need to think about ways we can lower our tolerance for stress. Lowering our stress tolerance will help us to not have such high expectations that we burn out. When we lower our tolerance for stress, we find ways to manage our stress without overburdening ourselves. This makes us much more pleasant to be around on Christmas morning and instead of feeling burned out by New Years, you can feel recharged and ready to go instead. The link below describes 12 ways you can help lower your tolerance for stress this holiday season.

Stress, depression and the holidays: 12 tips for coping.

~JK

Holidays, Family, and Stress

istillwearchaoswhenitryonorder!

Do you ever step back and try to reexamine your life?

-Sitting on top of my toilet right now is a book called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. Everytime I sit down, I read one of the two-page suggestions on how to make life more meaningful by looking at the forrest instead of the trees.

-Every other week, I will re-decide that it is really good for me to wake up at 6:00 to "get things done", even if I do not have anywhere to be until 9:00.

-Once every three to four months, I will input all my debit card and check transactions into Quicken so that I can feel like I manage my finances well.

-The laundary tossing and turning in the dryer right now is a reminder of the 11 loads I have left to wash, dry, and fold.

-The walks Krista and I take are often enough to keep me thinking about my health, but not frequent enough to change it.

-My planner lieing open next to me keeps me running between appointments, straining as I fulfill my obligations, always thinking, "What do I have to do next?"

-The passage I read this morning seems way too fresh for someone who preaches every other week and is working on a Masters of Divinity.

Do you ever feel like in order to get one area of your life in line, every other area must be perfect as well. Its an incredibly hopeless feeling and at the same time, getting one of these accomplished for a week makes me feel like its doable. I mutter, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can" until I run out of breath and then I simply think about thinking about it. How can rely on God more to help me bring order out of the chaos that I feel sometimes? How can I turn my desire into my effort? How can I pull it together?

istillwearchaoswhenitryonorder!

I Don't Mean to Offend You...

For some reason, it seems like our society has grown accustomed to feeling like it has a right not to be offended. I feel like anytime I am sharing my opinions or views, that I have to preface what I am saying with, "I am not trying to offend you," or "this is just my opinion." We like in a day where everyone is so thin-skinned that you can hardly help but offend people. WHY MUST WE BE AFRAID TO SHARE WHAT WE THINK!!!! I don't get it... Someone help me out.

~JK

I Don't Mean to Offend You...

Holy Action Figures!

I was browsing J.P. McCarty's site and saw a Jesus action figure. I started to browse the internet to see where I could find one and stumbled across these other Holy Action Figures.

Jesus Christ Action Figure

With ninja-messiah throwing nails and death killer, cross pump action, over-under shotgun.


God Almighty Action Figure

Complete with Kalashnikov AK-47 assault rifle, and halllowed cloak of invulnerability.

Satan doesn't stand a chance!!

~JK

Holy Action Figures!

Ticked, Hacked Off and Extremely Irritated About the Word "P*s*ed"

It seems like recently I have been hearing more and more of a word that I thought was one of those "bad words." When people express themselves using the word, and I am going to say it for the sake of discussion, pissed - there is something inside of me that just cringes. I know that cultures change and words which used to be considered socially unacceptable are now commonplace but how did I get left out of the circle where they talked about how this word would now be acceptable. I don't know that I would have voted for it but I feel that I am behind on the times.
What is even more surprising is that I hear this word in various Christian circles. I have heard Christian friends, professors, family members, and even a minister a time or two use it to express themselves. Am I simply too conservative. Is this word any different than saying that you are hacked off, or ticked or really really angry? Will I look back on this post in ten years and think it was so silly for me to be writing about. There are certain words, even if condoned by society, I will never use - that is, except for the sake of trying to identify its legitimacy. I don't know if this is a sentiment that other people share regarding this word but having heard it several times yesterday, I thought I would express my thoughts. Thanks for reading!

~JK

Ticked, Hacked Off and Extremely Irritated About the Word "P*s*ed"

Come Out, Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Is there shame in going to counseling? I am sitting in a computer lab at 8:34 in the morning. I have a new client at 9:00 this morning and I am wondering if they are going to come. It has been my experience since I started counseling people that many believe there is something shameful about it. I think that people realize that they may need counseling but for some reason do not make the first step to receiving it. Others may call and set up an appointment but not show up. I suppose if people have lived with the "junk in the trunk", as I like to call it, so far, what is the harm in keeping it hidden for a little while longer. The other thing I have noticed since starting this program a year and a half ago is that EVERYONE has "junk in their trunk." unfortunately, the stigma against counseling, or therapy is too strong. I really appreciate a song that has come out recently by Joy Williams. It is called hide and I think that it really says a lot about the shame that people are feeling and the need to make it known.

Hide by Joy Williams

To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they are not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
Anyone who's trying to cover up their scars
To anyone who's ever made a big mistake
We all been there, so don't be ashamed

Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You've been alone for way too long
And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are and where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him

~JK

Come Out, Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

I am Leviticus....!?!

Here is an interesting website. Take a test, find out what book of the Bible epitomizes who you are. Fun, hokey, but interesting nonetheless.

Here is my "diagnosis." What do you think?



Which book of the Bible are you?

~JK

I am Leviticus....!?!

Labels and Spectrums and Transformation

I sincerely dislike labels. I think they are often arbitrary and subjective. Especially as it pertains to Christians and their theological beliefs. It easy to label people as conservative/traditional and liberal/progressive/contemporary. In reality, it seems as if wherever one might be sitting on the spectrum from the left or right, they tend to consider anyone to the right of themselves, "conservative" and everyone to the left, "liberal." It also seems that in general people tend to think that if anyone is to the right of them, they can still be considered a brother and sister in Christ, but if someone holds views which land them on the spectrum to the left, there are irreconcilable differences. In essence, we are saying that whenever someone may seem to be "playing it safe" there is more security there. Sounds like it should make sense. This is a difficult challenge as on the one hand I consider myself too conservative to say whether someone is safe or not and on the other, it is important for us as Christians to be spurring one another on to be more transformed to the image of Christ. I am not sure that our transformation into the image of Christ can really be put on a spectrum because it ought to always be in transition. I like to think that I haven't arrived yet. I, as one who sincerely dislikes labels, may be thought of as hypocritical for even posting about this. My views are welcomed to be challenged and I know that in most cases are in need of revision. This was just something I was thinking about recently.

~JK

Labels and Spectrums and Transformation

To Learn Spanish or Not!

Several times in my life I have attempted to learn Spanish. Krista is nearly fluent in the language and has been blessed with the opportunity to use it in the work place. She has told me about times when her patients at the hospital were totally clueless regarding what a family member was going through. When they were finally able to talk to someone who could translate what the doctor was saying, their faces lit up.
It seems as if the population of Spanish-only speakers in America is growing. I do not consider this a bad thing, but simply another hurdle in being able to reach people who are in need. I took a year of Spanish in college but sadly, there is not a great Spanish speaking population in Searcy, Arkansas. I purchased a "How to Learn Spanish CD" but who has time to do that. As I near graduation from my marriage and family therapy program, the need to know Spanish fluently is even more glaring. I recently heard that in Abilene (population 100,000 +) there are only two Spanish speaking therapists. This is shocking since there is such a large community of Hispanic people.
Krista and I are faced with an important decision. We want to be able to reach out to others as a team. We have had many chances to serve in Latin American countries and I have felt at a deficit because of my lack of language skills. Upon graduating next August, we are trying to decide if we ought to go to a Latin American country for a few months so that I can go to language learning school full time and be immersed in a culture where I will have no choice but to become fluent. There are several schools we know of. The main ones we have looked at are in Costa Rica and Guatemala. The one in Guatemala, Christian Spanish Academy, seems to be my favorite option right now.
There are many details we are considering regarding this decision. If we were to go for 12 weeks, the cost including airfare would be $5700. We have considered raising support for this given our goals. Missionaries in foreign countries have to learn the language. Why would doing domesitic mission work to Hispanic communities be any different. This is just one of the factors on our minds in making this decision.
Please pray for us as we try and decide what we want to do when we grow up!

God Bless,
~JK

To Learn Spanish or Not!

Dogs Bark

Gemma, a Filipino woman in my class once commented on a difference between Americans and Philippines. She said that she thought it was strange when Americans don't like their dogs to bark. At first I didn't understand what she was trying to say and then it became clear to me. Dogs Bark! They are dogs; that is what they do. For some reason, we as Americans love having pets but we get frustrated when our pets act like pets!

Krista and I have three dogs. But of course, our dogs aren't the problem. The problem is that the neighbor two doors down lets his dog outside at precisely 7:30 every morning. When his dog is let out, my dog barks. For a long time I have struggled with the fact that my dog barks because we have an apartment behind our house that we rent out and I have always been afraid of imposing on people or feeling like something of mine is a nuisance. We even went out and bought a dog bark collar that electrically shocks him whenever he barks. Strange huh?
I have finally come to grips with the fact that dogs bark. This is something that is going to happen and when people may complain about my dog barking, I will just tell them that he is a dog and he is going to bark.

Dogs Bark

Joel Osteen

hmmm...?

~JK

Joel Osteen

Movie Class/Sunday School

Next weekend, Krista and I are going down to Houston to visit my family where my dad has just began the position of Worship Minister at the Kingwood Church of Christ. Today I talked to my dad and he asked me if I would be interested in (co)teaching one of the Sunday night adult classes there. They have been doing a series where they watch a few short clips from a movie and then discuss the spiritual/theological/religious implications for their lives. I thought this was a great idea so I agreed and now I am left to come up with a topic as well as a movie with clips that contain no objectionable material (after all, we wouldn't want to confront sin in the church setting ;o) which also pack a theological punch. Anyone have any great ideas?

~JK

Movie Class/Sunday School

Pride and Prejudice

I can't think of a better way to spend my evening than to blog about how much I dislike the movie Pride and Prejudice. In the mean time, Krista (along with many other devout Minter Lane Church of Christ Craft-Nighters) cannot think of a better use of six hours on a Tuesday night than a Pride and Prejudice marathon.

What is it about this movie? Before you ask the question of whether or not I have actually seen the A&E version of Jane Austen's book, I will go ahead and answer it for you: I have. I actually bought the DVD for Krista and sat down to watch them one day when we were doing laundry (Again before you ask, yes, I do laundry). I cannot say that midway through one of the 22 or 23 episodes I did not find the recently folded pile of downy smelling t-shirts useful for a pillow, but I did make an effort to bond my with my wife through the agony of a six hour chick-flick.

I think what is more peculiar to me is that this is not an occurrence that happens rarely. I think it may be the third or fourth time in the last year that my wife will have watched the movie in its entirety. I guess this is not too hard to believe, considering that since the movie is so dreadfully long that by the end of it, you cannot remember what happened at the beginning. Why would you be able to remember a month after the fact what the awful thing was about?

BUT...Men, we are in luck. Word round the P&P fanclub is that there is a much shorter version of the movie coming out so those of you who have been blessed thus far so as not to have had to view the six hour version will only have to endure a 2 hour version.

Perhaps in another ten years, we will have this bad boy down to 1 hour. One can only hope.

~JK

Pride and Prejudice

Separation Anxiety

Vulnerability...

I can think of no other reason why we hurt so much when friends move away. Why we miss our spouses when they are gone on trips. Why when those we care about so deeply are away from us.

Vulnerability...

I wonder why when we make friends, we don't evaluate what the outcome of our friendship with them will truly be. Would people still become friends with others if they knew that there would be times when they might be separated? No doubt we all know that in starting a friendship with someone (especially in college) that it will not be long before they move back home to where they first came from or to Paducah or Austin, or Memphis where they have found jobs. Yet for some reason, we always open ourselves up. We take the chance. We say, I am going to expose myself to whatever may happen in being in relationship with these wonderful people.

Vulnerability...

I heard a friend once say that, "The level of our hurt is equal to the level of our love." Perhaps this is why every relationship that has ever existed has presented this dichotomy where in order to pursue friendship, bond, companionship, and union there must be sacrifice. We must make ourselves vulnerable to what may happen when that bond is somehow broken. I think without this vulnerability our relationships would be flat, empty and meaningless. Fortunately, the broken bond often only means a distance of a thousand miles or so.

Lately many of my friends have moved or are going to be moving away. They will be starting jobs as Therapists, Ministers, Actors, and Physicists. For some reason, Abilene is not the place where all those dreams can come true. I have also felt this separation anxiety in that recently Krista spent a week in Mexico. While she was gone, there was an incessant battery of questions regarding where she was at. It seemed as if each one was another reminder of the fact that she was not with me and an even more vivid reminder of the vulnerability which we gladly and willingly bear for the sake of love and friendship.

As my friends leave for their new jobs, the feelings I have are bitter sweet. I am excited to see how God is blessing them in their lives and how they are gaining exciting experiences, but at the same time, I am experiencing the pains of separation anxiety. Selfishly, I do not want any of them to leave. Had I known I would have been feeling all these things when I first met them...I am sure I would not have done anything different. I know the relationship I have with them is due to the fact that I didn't hold anything back. I wish all my friends the best as they pursue their careers and bless the Kingdom of God.

~JK

Separation Anxiety