Taking the Fat out of Fatherhood

Here are some tendencies and assumptions I have noticed that I have as a father:

1. If there is something I need to do, Krista will take care of Miriam.
2. Every diaper I change is, by far, dirtier than any Krista changes.
3. If Miriam is crying and I have not been able to get her to stop, Krista knows the automatic answer and handing Miriam to her will serve as a cry-plug, thus ending the crying.
4. Krista does not mind being used as a cry-plug.
5. I seem to expect that when I get home the 9 hours I have put in are more stressful and demanding than the 9 hours Krista has put in, and I deserve a short break.

Luckily I did not notice (or these were not brought to my attention) all at once. The learning curve is pretty huge right now but I feel like the implications of these assumptions I have are pretty far reaching. Also the response to one assumption or tendency has impact over a wide range of other selfish actions. I have thought a lot about why I do some of these things and really what it comes down to is entitlement.

Entitlement describes a way of looking at life that says, “I am owed something.” It says, “Other people should cater to my needs because I have done something or I am a certain way that is deserving.” In essence it disregards the accomplishments and validity of other people and places the ownership of all the appreciation that is due on one person.

I have realized that this entitlement attitude is, ironically, what creates lazy, fat fathers. When fathers come home from work and decide without discussing with their wives that they deserve a break and sit in front of the television for an hour, this is entitlement. When after working a 40 or more hour week a man decides that he can go hunting or golfing over the weekend, leaving his wife and kids at home, this is entitlement. Unfortunately when fathers get home and need a drink to relax, and feel that one beer just isn’t enough to reward such hard work, this is entitlement. I am not suggesting that I do all these things, nor that all these things are bad at all times. I am suggesting that recognition and appreciation is not something we take, it is something we are given. When we demand time for ourselves and show an attitude of entitlement we are the only ones doing any appreciating.

The reason I say we need to take the fat out of fatherhood is not because I believe that all fathers are overweight. I simply believe that there is often a selfish, inward focused attitude behind the attitudes of fathers. I am also not suggesting that this same attitude is always at the center of overweight people. The focus here is on entitlement. How much more rewarding would the hunting trip or afternoon of golf be if it were something granted to husbands instead of taken. I think that when recognition is given to moms for their hard work and when they are shown that their full-time job of taking care of children is not taken for granted, the husbands will only find a sense of entitlement because it is given to them by their families. I think at this point it will no longer be entitlement but rather privilege.

~JK

Taking the Fat out of Fatherhood

Worthy or Not?

If you wish to learn and appreciate something worth while, then love to be unknown and considered as nothing. Truly to know and despise self is the best and most perfect counsel. To think of oneself as nothing, and always to think well and highly of others is the best and most perfect wisdom. Wherefore, if you see another sin openly or commit a serious crime, do not consider yourself better, for you do not know how long you can remain in good estate. All men are frail, but you must admit that none is more frail than yourself.
~Thomas à Kempis

Are we worthy or not? I have recently been struggling through the tension of our worthiness before God. It seems that I hear many different perspectives on it. “In order to find grace we must realize our unworthiness,” “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Heb 4:16),” “Love to be unknown and considered as nothing.” Where do I find myself in my relationship to God? Am I worthy or not? Should I only consider myself unworthy when I am thinking about other people? Does God only consider me worthy if I am making myself unworthy? Should I really love to be unknown and considered as nothing and is this what God desires for me to strive for if he himself loves me and considers me a child of his. Are we worthy or not?

~JK

Worthy or Not?

The Character of Parenthood

There are several things that have been swimming through my head recently regarding children. A mixture of events has caused me to seriously reflect the nature of parenthood and how people are so different when it comes to the experiences which give their parenting a specific personality.

Several people have commented on how laid back Krista and I are as parents. I am not sure why we so laid back or what exactly they mean by that, but (right now) it seems like a good thing. I am constantly learning about what it takes for me to be a good dad. Krista will be returning to work soon and I will need to be able to take care of Miriam on my own. I am not sure I am totally ready for this. The biggest challenge is feeding her. I have tried to give her a bottle several times and she can definetely tell a difference. This means there is a lot of loud screaming and wigling around in her efforts to communicate with me that my efforts to feed her are not adequate. In this situation, I am forced to be calm and patient.

....not always easy.

We have some good friends here in Abilene who have been on an emotional roller coaster recently with their own pregnancy. They were overjoyed when they found out they were pregnant, heartbroken when the ER doctor told them they were having a miscarriage, slightly relieved when their OBGYN told them to disregard the ER doctor's prognosis and now they are living week to week waiting and hoping that they will continue to hear good news. Six weeks into pregnancy and their prespective on parenting is already being shaped by the prospect of losing a child. In the midst of it, they have found comfort and care in the prayers and concerns of their church family.

At work, I am constantly reminded that there are some who handle the pressure much differently. I get the feeling that what characterizes their parenting is not patience and calmness, seeing the child as one of the most precious gifts God could ever give them. Rather the child is a burden, one that is an inconvenience and disposable. Why else would a parent voluntarily give up their parental rights of the child over to the state, or pass their daughter around to a group of boyfriends or hold their son's hands in a pot of hot oil?

Through it all, I am convinced that the meaning behind God our father and us his children sheds light onto what parenthood should be characterized by. We are not disposable, it isnt always easy but there is always someone who cares.

~JK

The Character of Parenthood

Miriam

This is by far my favorite picture of Miriam so far. It is truly amazing how much time out of my day is used up just looking at this little girl. She is truly beautiful. God has blessed us incredibly.

~JK

Miriam