Late Night Distractions

Back to the subject of oneness. I was reading more from Every Woman's Desire (Now called Every Man's Marriage) and the authors were talking about how oneness starts with submission. They cited the verse in Ephesians about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving their wives. The conclusion was that even though it doesnt say men are to submit to their wives, if we are to have oneness with them, as Christ does with his church, submission is the only path. I decided that a typical way men try to get wives to submit is to have them do work around the house. Tonight Krista went to visit her grandparents in Throckmorton, TX (pop. 900) so I thought I would surprise her by doing what other men might consider womens work. I did a little laundary, cleaned up the kitchen, tidied up the living room, saw the computer sitting on the couch, bent over to put it away and started checking my email. I then started blog chasing and now...I am posting on how easily I get distracted from doing things to submit. I didn't think becoming one would be so difficult. I know there is MUCH more to being one than housework - thank goodness. I know Krista will appreciate what I did, but as I have been at the computer for too long, I am tired and plan on going to bed, not having accomplished what I wanted to do. I am not sure where I meant for this to go but when I began writing it, I had some thought about the difficulty of trying to become one and how easily we get distracted by other less important things.

~JK

Late Night Distractions

A Bun in the Oven!!!

September 10th. That is the day that mine and Krista's life will change forever. September 10th is the date that in Dr. Tadvick's divine knowledge, has been decided that our first baby will be born! It is a day we are looking forward to! Here are a few of the first pictures!

This was taken at about 5 weeks. We nicknamed baby, "Dot."

These two are the same picture, one is just magnified. This was at about 8 weeks. "Dot" was affectionately renamed, "Blur."

Here's the story about how it happened...well...in a way:
Krista has been asking and asking about when we can have "the talk." I got tired of her asking and said that I wasnt even willing to talk about it until 9 months before we graduate, a.k.a. December. The beginning of December came around and Krista was nice enough to remind me (I knew it was December, but I like to tease her). I told her we still had another 30 days until December was over. I said this because I was really planning on giving her a late Christmas present. My Christmas present to her was that I was really ready and excited about deciding to start trying to have kids! About a week after Christmas, I planned a nice dinner and in my own special way (...not telling this part) I shared with her that I wanted to have kids.

A week later, I was taking a nap and Krista woke me up to ask me where some cash was. I thought this was strange so I told her there was some in my wallet. I pretended to go back to sleep and heard Krista leave. She came back a few minutes later and went straight into the bathroom and closed the door. This was also strange since when we are home alone, the door never gets closed. A few minutes later she came hopping out and was running around the house looking for something (I am still pretending to be napping and she is trying to be as quite as a woman who just had a positive pregnancy test can be). She came tip-toeing into the bedroom holding a box with a ribbon around it with me lying there with my eyes closed. Before she got to the bed to wake me up, I said, "You're pregnant aren't you!?!" "Hey!" she said as I got up and opened the box to see that there was indeed a home pregnancy test indicating that we would be having a baby.

Maybe it is just the skeptical side of me, but when a home pregnancy test claims to be 98.5 percent effective, I feel like I might fall into that category of people in the 1.5 percent who make all these plans to have a baby and then find out that there is a reason they make that claim. We did another home pregnancy test. Again...positive. We decided that we could probably rely on two positive tests. Looking back we think about how God must have been laughing when we were sitting there making plans while Krista had been pregnant for 3 weeks already. So the grandparents were told and the doctors appointments were made. Keep us in your continued prayers. We have had good results at the doctors visits so far. For now...we wait !

~JK

A Bun in the Oven!!!

Counseling the Katrina Aftermath

Nearly six months after hurricanes Katrina and Rita hit the gulf coast, there are still relief efforts being formed. This morning in our MFI staff meeting, Dr. Halstead told us about an opportuinity to go to New Orleans and counsel those who are dealing with the stress that has compounded over the last 6 months. It is amazing to see the long term effects this disaster is having on people. They struggle with not knowing what their future holds. As they try to repair the damage, they face constant reminders of loved ones who died and belongings they can never get back. Apparently, there is still an overwhelming amount of aid that is being sent down there. Church groups and relief agencies have hundreds of volunteers willing to go and muck out the houses. I have an opportunity to go and help people muck out their hearts. There is a Christian organization being formed to help with future crisis/relief needs as well. In addition, we will have the chance to lead a marriage enrochment seminar at the congregation that is putting this all together. Keep us in your prayers as we prepare to help!

~JK

Counseling the Katrina Aftermath

Desensitized?

It has happened. Yesterday I was sitting with Krista watching a movie. It had been a long day and I had seen a couple clients and I was thinking about how varied my life is. I sit in a counseling room as people poor out their hearts and troubles and I interact with them about them hoping that a word I say will offer a glimpse of hope and light in their darkness. Then I go home and eat supper. I listen to people talk about addictions, abuse and aimlessness and then head off to Wal-mart. Perhaps it is out of necessity, but I feel as though I have been desensitized. Should it be so easy to compartmentalize my life in such a way that I can be crying with a client one minute and laughing as I watch Dumb and Dumber the next? Maybe this isn't desensitization but something else. Every now and then I catch a glimpse of my life from a different perspective and it shocks me. What if I have things all wrong? Should I feel so much compassion that it is on my heart constantly? How do I appropriately separate my feelings of hurt and sorrow for my clients and my life outside the counseling room? These things keep me wondering about the joy of the Lord and his sorrow over the actions of his creation.

~JK

Desensitized?

A Decision Not to Love

What is the difference between oneness and love? Me and Dannie Rio were talking yesterday about love and oneness in marriage. A book we are reading said that a woman's essence sets the standard for oneness. We were quite sure how to take that. At first I was a little offended. I thought why should the woman be the one who sets the standard for my marriage. Immediately after vocalizing this frustration to Dannie, I realized it. The very reason women set this standard is seen in my frustration with it. There is something rebellious in man that wants to be the one to be independent. We want to take care of things on our own and when we have to depend on someone else, or open up to someone else, we resist. By being frustrated with the fact that it is probably true about her essence, I illustrate how this standard is something more difficult for me to achieve than her.

This doesnt mean that either one of us loves the other more or less. Oneness and love are two totally separate ideas. I have counseled many divorcing couples who say, "I still love him." Is this true. I think it probably is, but they certainly do not have oneness. I have decided not to strive to love Krista anymore. I want to be one with her. I think love is a component necessary for oneness and by settling for love, I may not have anything different than the divorcing couple I see each week.

~JK

A Decision Not to Love

Speaking of the Unspeakable

I am on break from my sex therapy class right now. We are talking about childhood sexual abuse and it struck me. This is not a topic that we have really talked much about in our churches. Why is that? Why is it that we have been so afraid to address this horrible sin and to confront it in a setting where people ought to feel that they can have the most love and support? Why have we been so afraid to help those who couldn't speak for themselves and resist those who have been more powerful? How can we make the church into a place where instead of perpetuating the abuser-victim's "No-Talk Rule" that we learn to speak about the unspeakable?

~JK

Speaking of the Unspeakable

Can He Still Feel the Nails?

Yesterday at church, the one who led the communion thought said something interesting. He said that Jesus feels the pain of the nails every time we sin. His comments reminded me of a frustration I have had for some time regarding a mentality that every single time we sin, it is as if Jesus is hung up on the cross, again and again. We even sing a beautiful song about it:

Can He still feel the nails
Every time I fail?
Can He hear the crowds
Cry crucify again?
Am I causing Him pain
When I know I've got to change?
Cause I just can't bear the thought
Of hurting him.

I wonder about the theology of such comments and songs for several reasons. When Jesus died, his sacrifice was different than all the other sacrifices in the Bible. In the Old Testament, the Jews had to make annual sacrifices in order to be rid of their sin. The sacrificial lamb was brought to the altar over and over again each year to reconcile God's people with himself (Lev. 16:34). What makes Jesus' sacrifice different is that unlike the lambs and other animals of the Old Testament, Jesus rose from the dead.

When I think about the thought of crucifying Jesus over and over again, I think I forget about the fact that his sacrifice was "once for all" (Heb. 7:27). I think also about Romans 6:8-10 which says, "Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God."

I am not trying to suggest that we shouldn't feel remorseful about our sin. I am sure that the intent of songs like Can He Still Feel the Nails? are meant to evoke an emotion leading to repentance and reflection on what was done so we might have it, yet I think the theology of the song should be questioned. Is Jesus sitting at the right hand of God wishing he had some Tylenol every time someone sins? If that is the case, how can we ever live with Him (Rom.6:8). I think it is a beautiful song that we sing, but in my head, I am thinking, "Can He still feel the nails? NO!!! He can't. He has risen!!!"

~JK

Can He Still Feel the Nails?

36 Down, Fourteen To Go!

Create Your Own Here!

I found a website where you can log all the states you have been to. Someday I will hit the fourteen states I havent visited.

~JK

36 Down, Fourteen To Go!

One in Christ

A few Sundays ago our congregation participated in something incredible. The Minter Lane Church of Christ and the North 10th and Treadaway Church of Christ had a joint worship service. The reason this service was so incredible was not because two congregations were gathering together to worship on a Sunday morning but because The Minter congregation is predominantly white and the North 10th Congregation is predominantly black. For some time, Doug Foster has been teaching on racial reconciliation and this gathering was evidence of two congregations desiring to have unity among believers despite past divisions and seemingly irreconcilable differences. I appreciated the thought and intention that went into the planning of the service and I hope that these two congregation will continue to dialogue about breaking the patterns of division which have often characterized our brotherhood.

~JK

One in Christ

Holidays, Family, and Stress

There's an old commercial of a large white house with blue shudders. The house is decorated with white icicle lights and pine wreaths with red bows. The snow is falling and the music is playing. A family gets out of their station wagon and makes their way up to the front door. In their arms are piled Christmas presents wrapped with beautiful paper and ribbon. Before the parents and their kids arrive at the door, grandma and grandma open the door with arms open wide and give each family member great big hugs then hurry them inside out of the cold. The next scene is the family sitting around the dining room table with a large Christmas ham and the place settings perfectly situated. The music still playing, the smiles and laughter provide a clear indication that everyone is enjoying themselves. The final scene is the family sitting around the Christmas tree in their pajamas. As dad opens his gift, he is delighted to receive another neck-tie. The kids are elated at the sight of all the presents and can hardly contain themselves until the receive the next wrapped gift to open. With the music still playing, its obvious that this is what a family is. Its obvious that this is what the holidays are all about. Its obvious that any person watching the commercial is thinking to themselves, why isn't my family like that.

For many people the thought of family time like this is not occasion to sing, "Joy to the World" or "Walking in a Winter Wonderland." For many, the mere thought of Christmas is stressful. Christmas to many means putting things on layaway which will be later bought with credit cards. It means putting on smiles while you pretend to enjoy being around relatives. It means enduring family traditions which feel like just another hoop to jump through until you can make (and break) another New Years resolution. For some, the thought of Christmas just reminds them of the stress they have to endure for an entire month. The joy of Christmas seems to be overshadowed by the pain of remembering hurt feelings and tense family environments.

Many of the clients I see at the Marriage and Family Institute express that they do not want to continue counseling during the holiday season because things are just too busy. Many times the holiday season brings up a lot of the pain associated with family for a variety of reasons. The family traditions cause people to long for the day when family members were still alive to share in them. Having family get togethers where abusive relatives are present presents its own kind of pain. The starting of new family traditions seems painful for parents who want their kids to do things the way they have always been done their way and stressful for grown kids who feel like they can't start their own without hurting the parents.

Many people don't know how to handle the stress. Many people attempt to plow through the stress and instead of starting a new year recharged and ready to go, they are left trying to recover from the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The problem is not having too many stressful tasks this month. The problem is that people often try to raise their level of stress tolerance instead of lowering it.

When people try to raise their level of stress tolerance, they are finding ways to add to their plate more of the same things which stress them out. If you already have 5 things on your plate and there are 3 things you cannot handle, raising your stress tolerance to deal with the three things left out will only help you feel like you can put more than eight things on your plate. Instead we need to think about ways we can lower our tolerance for stress. Lowering our stress tolerance will help us to not have such high expectations that we burn out. When we lower our tolerance for stress, we find ways to manage our stress without overburdening ourselves. This makes us much more pleasant to be around on Christmas morning and instead of feeling burned out by New Years, you can feel recharged and ready to go instead. The link below describes 12 ways you can help lower your tolerance for stress this holiday season.

Stress, depression and the holidays: 12 tips for coping.

~JK

Holidays, Family, and Stress

istillwearchaoswhenitryonorder!

Do you ever step back and try to reexamine your life?

-Sitting on top of my toilet right now is a book called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. Everytime I sit down, I read one of the two-page suggestions on how to make life more meaningful by looking at the forrest instead of the trees.

-Every other week, I will re-decide that it is really good for me to wake up at 6:00 to "get things done", even if I do not have anywhere to be until 9:00.

-Once every three to four months, I will input all my debit card and check transactions into Quicken so that I can feel like I manage my finances well.

-The laundary tossing and turning in the dryer right now is a reminder of the 11 loads I have left to wash, dry, and fold.

-The walks Krista and I take are often enough to keep me thinking about my health, but not frequent enough to change it.

-My planner lieing open next to me keeps me running between appointments, straining as I fulfill my obligations, always thinking, "What do I have to do next?"

-The passage I read this morning seems way too fresh for someone who preaches every other week and is working on a Masters of Divinity.

Do you ever feel like in order to get one area of your life in line, every other area must be perfect as well. Its an incredibly hopeless feeling and at the same time, getting one of these accomplished for a week makes me feel like its doable. I mutter, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can" until I run out of breath and then I simply think about thinking about it. How can rely on God more to help me bring order out of the chaos that I feel sometimes? How can I turn my desire into my effort? How can I pull it together?

istillwearchaoswhenitryonorder!

I Don't Mean to Offend You...

For some reason, it seems like our society has grown accustomed to feeling like it has a right not to be offended. I feel like anytime I am sharing my opinions or views, that I have to preface what I am saying with, "I am not trying to offend you," or "this is just my opinion." We like in a day where everyone is so thin-skinned that you can hardly help but offend people. WHY MUST WE BE AFRAID TO SHARE WHAT WE THINK!!!! I don't get it... Someone help me out.

~JK

I Don't Mean to Offend You...

Holy Action Figures!

I was browsing J.P. McCarty's site and saw a Jesus action figure. I started to browse the internet to see where I could find one and stumbled across these other Holy Action Figures.

Jesus Christ Action Figure

With ninja-messiah throwing nails and death killer, cross pump action, over-under shotgun.


God Almighty Action Figure

Complete with Kalashnikov AK-47 assault rifle, and halllowed cloak of invulnerability.

Satan doesn't stand a chance!!

~JK

Holy Action Figures!

Ticked, Hacked Off and Extremely Irritated About the Word "P*s*ed"

It seems like recently I have been hearing more and more of a word that I thought was one of those "bad words." When people express themselves using the word, and I am going to say it for the sake of discussion, pissed - there is something inside of me that just cringes. I know that cultures change and words which used to be considered socially unacceptable are now commonplace but how did I get left out of the circle where they talked about how this word would now be acceptable. I don't know that I would have voted for it but I feel that I am behind on the times.
What is even more surprising is that I hear this word in various Christian circles. I have heard Christian friends, professors, family members, and even a minister a time or two use it to express themselves. Am I simply too conservative. Is this word any different than saying that you are hacked off, or ticked or really really angry? Will I look back on this post in ten years and think it was so silly for me to be writing about. There are certain words, even if condoned by society, I will never use - that is, except for the sake of trying to identify its legitimacy. I don't know if this is a sentiment that other people share regarding this word but having heard it several times yesterday, I thought I would express my thoughts. Thanks for reading!

~JK

Ticked, Hacked Off and Extremely Irritated About the Word "P*s*ed"

Come Out, Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Is there shame in going to counseling? I am sitting in a computer lab at 8:34 in the morning. I have a new client at 9:00 this morning and I am wondering if they are going to come. It has been my experience since I started counseling people that many believe there is something shameful about it. I think that people realize that they may need counseling but for some reason do not make the first step to receiving it. Others may call and set up an appointment but not show up. I suppose if people have lived with the "junk in the trunk", as I like to call it, so far, what is the harm in keeping it hidden for a little while longer. The other thing I have noticed since starting this program a year and a half ago is that EVERYONE has "junk in their trunk." unfortunately, the stigma against counseling, or therapy is too strong. I really appreciate a song that has come out recently by Joy Williams. It is called hide and I think that it really says a lot about the shame that people are feeling and the need to make it known.

Hide by Joy Williams

To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they are not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
Anyone who's trying to cover up their scars
To anyone who's ever made a big mistake
We all been there, so don't be ashamed

Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You've been alone for way too long
And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are and where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him

~JK

Come Out, Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

I am Leviticus....!?!

Here is an interesting website. Take a test, find out what book of the Bible epitomizes who you are. Fun, hokey, but interesting nonetheless.

Here is my "diagnosis." What do you think?



Which book of the Bible are you?

~JK

I am Leviticus....!?!

Labels and Spectrums and Transformation

I sincerely dislike labels. I think they are often arbitrary and subjective. Especially as it pertains to Christians and their theological beliefs. It easy to label people as conservative/traditional and liberal/progressive/contemporary. In reality, it seems as if wherever one might be sitting on the spectrum from the left or right, they tend to consider anyone to the right of themselves, "conservative" and everyone to the left, "liberal." It also seems that in general people tend to think that if anyone is to the right of them, they can still be considered a brother and sister in Christ, but if someone holds views which land them on the spectrum to the left, there are irreconcilable differences. In essence, we are saying that whenever someone may seem to be "playing it safe" there is more security there. Sounds like it should make sense. This is a difficult challenge as on the one hand I consider myself too conservative to say whether someone is safe or not and on the other, it is important for us as Christians to be spurring one another on to be more transformed to the image of Christ. I am not sure that our transformation into the image of Christ can really be put on a spectrum because it ought to always be in transition. I like to think that I haven't arrived yet. I, as one who sincerely dislikes labels, may be thought of as hypocritical for even posting about this. My views are welcomed to be challenged and I know that in most cases are in need of revision. This was just something I was thinking about recently.

~JK

Labels and Spectrums and Transformation

To Learn Spanish or Not!

Several times in my life I have attempted to learn Spanish. Krista is nearly fluent in the language and has been blessed with the opportunity to use it in the work place. She has told me about times when her patients at the hospital were totally clueless regarding what a family member was going through. When they were finally able to talk to someone who could translate what the doctor was saying, their faces lit up.
It seems as if the population of Spanish-only speakers in America is growing. I do not consider this a bad thing, but simply another hurdle in being able to reach people who are in need. I took a year of Spanish in college but sadly, there is not a great Spanish speaking population in Searcy, Arkansas. I purchased a "How to Learn Spanish CD" but who has time to do that. As I near graduation from my marriage and family therapy program, the need to know Spanish fluently is even more glaring. I recently heard that in Abilene (population 100,000 +) there are only two Spanish speaking therapists. This is shocking since there is such a large community of Hispanic people.
Krista and I are faced with an important decision. We want to be able to reach out to others as a team. We have had many chances to serve in Latin American countries and I have felt at a deficit because of my lack of language skills. Upon graduating next August, we are trying to decide if we ought to go to a Latin American country for a few months so that I can go to language learning school full time and be immersed in a culture where I will have no choice but to become fluent. There are several schools we know of. The main ones we have looked at are in Costa Rica and Guatemala. The one in Guatemala, Christian Spanish Academy, seems to be my favorite option right now.
There are many details we are considering regarding this decision. If we were to go for 12 weeks, the cost including airfare would be $5700. We have considered raising support for this given our goals. Missionaries in foreign countries have to learn the language. Why would doing domesitic mission work to Hispanic communities be any different. This is just one of the factors on our minds in making this decision.
Please pray for us as we try and decide what we want to do when we grow up!

God Bless,
~JK

To Learn Spanish or Not!

Dogs Bark

Gemma, a Filipino woman in my class once commented on a difference between Americans and Philippines. She said that she thought it was strange when Americans don't like their dogs to bark. At first I didn't understand what she was trying to say and then it became clear to me. Dogs Bark! They are dogs; that is what they do. For some reason, we as Americans love having pets but we get frustrated when our pets act like pets!

Krista and I have three dogs. But of course, our dogs aren't the problem. The problem is that the neighbor two doors down lets his dog outside at precisely 7:30 every morning. When his dog is let out, my dog barks. For a long time I have struggled with the fact that my dog barks because we have an apartment behind our house that we rent out and I have always been afraid of imposing on people or feeling like something of mine is a nuisance. We even went out and bought a dog bark collar that electrically shocks him whenever he barks. Strange huh?
I have finally come to grips with the fact that dogs bark. This is something that is going to happen and when people may complain about my dog barking, I will just tell them that he is a dog and he is going to bark.

Dogs Bark

Joel Osteen

hmmm...?

~JK

Joel Osteen