Godly Husbands: Reflecting the Image of Christ for our Wives

This past weekend I did my first workshop for a church. I was asked to do a workshop for newly married husbands. When I arrived I found that there were only 3 (out of 11) who had been married for less than 3 years. Some had been married for nearly 60 years! It was incredibly humbling to hear the responses from the men who have been married for so long. They were so eager to learn and continue to work on their marriages.

We focused primarily on Ephesians 5 and what exactly it means to love our wives as Christ loves the church. We discussed how we are wired differently to show love and accept respect. I feel the discussion went very well. Preaching there Sunday morning was also a pleasure. The topic of faithfulness and commitment is always something I enjoy preaching about. "God is more faithful than we are." It sounds like a no-brainer but the implications of this for our relationships seems to be far reaching and at times quite difficult. I look forward to opportunities in the future to do similar workshops.

~JK

Godly Husbands: Reflecting the Image of Christ for our Wives

Young Husbands Workshop

I have my first weekend seminar lined up! Sometime in January, I will be conducting a 6 hour Saturday workshop with the Northwest Church of Christ in Abilene. The tentative plan is for the workshop to be for young (by young, I think the church means newly married) husbands! I am excited to begin this aspect of my ministry. I hope that this will only be the start of a variety of similar weekend speaking engagements I am asked to be a part of.

If you have any suggestions that you think would be valuable for this workshop on young husbands, leave a comment.

~JK

Young Husbands Workshop

Does God Always Get What He Wants? part 2

There was a resounding (if all 5 comments can be considered resounding) no to this question when I first posted it. It seems that the common thread behind the answer was that because God's plan and ours, i.e. eternal life, not to perish, seek him, are not always the same. That is pretty much the answer I expected to hear.

Let me ask a follow up question.

If God does not always get what he wants, why do we so often attribute the good and/or bad things that happen in our lives (or someone else's) to God not wanting or wanting it to happen? I hear all the time, "I guess that just wasn't what God had in mind," or, "Maybe that just wasn't in God's plan." Do we really mean, "Since things didn't work out the way that I thought they should, I will say it was God's idea" - so that we will feel better about the circumstance?

Is saying, "God didn't want such and such to happen," our way of not throwing a temper tantrum?Or is it possible that God really didn't want things to turn out the way that they did, or that God wanted things to turn out how we did not want?
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Tell me your thoughts. Leave a Comment.
~JK

Does God Always Get What He Wants? part 2

Good Advertising?

I came across this interesting article the other day. Entitled, "Are we sinning yet" it talks about one Canadian website's attempts to create spiritual dialogue about subjects that perhaps non-Christians do not often think about. I am interested in this because the website has placed ads in magazines in newspapers which take a different approach to advertising. I will let the ads speak for themselves below. What I want to know is would this approach be tolerated in the Bible-Belt, where it seems that advertising tactics have mainly included quippy sayings on marquee boards. Tell me what you think. I included the picture and cited the caption underneath because the font text is too small in the picture!

-Would you still take your kids? After all, isn't Christmas supposed to be about Him, not the guy in the red suit? Or can it be about both? Share your opinion at http://www.wondercafe.ca/, the home of lively discussion on spiritual topics, moral issues and life's big questions.

"Does anyone object?" - What do you think? Let us know at www.wondercafe.ca, the home of lively discussion on spiritual topics, moral issues and life's big questions.

Green Tag " __ Agree", Red Tag " __ Disagree" - Want to explore your spirituality in a place that's as open-minded as you? Drop by www.wondercafe.ca and join the discussion.

"How much fun can sex be before it's a sin?" - Moral issues, spiritual topics, life's big questions - they're all up for discussion at www.wondercafe.ca. So drop by and pull up a chair.

On tag, "WARNING: some re-assembly of priorities and beliefs may be required." - Parenthood changes everything - including how you view the world. Every day at www.wondercafe.ca people like you explore and discuss spiritual topics, moral issues and life's big questions. So drop by, pull up a chair and join the discussion.

"__ Funny, __ Ticket to Hell" - What do you think? Let us know at www.wondercafe.ca, the home of lively discussion on spiritual topics, moral issues and life's big questions.

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Tell me your thoughts.

~JK

Good Advertising?

You Complete Me, My Better Half.

"You complete me." I remember when the movie that popularized this phrase came out. I don't think I was allowed to see it (I still have only seen the first few minutes). I have seen the scene where Tom Cruise says this line to Renee Zellweger. Since then, I have heard people say this or similar things to it over and over again. I have often wondered what exactly it means. Even though it was meant to be romantic, I think it portrays an incredibly unhealthy way of interacting in a relationship. When one person is so dependent on another that when they are not together, they cannot function, there is a problem. This is no different than saying, "She is my other half." I am guilty of saying this. Usually in the form of, "She is my better half." Its a nice flattering thing to say but is it really the way that we should establish ourselves within our marriage union?

There are a lot of fancy psychological words used to describe this idea. Differentiation of Self, Undifferentiated Ego Mass, Internal Locus of Self. All of them are basically describing one thing. A confidence in one's self that is so solid that if one was separated from any other particular person or group of people, they would still be able to function in a healthy way. We are of course not talking in spiritual terms here (There is a whole additional blog post devoted to differentiation and spirituality). Its a wonderful thing when two people can come together not because they need each other but because they want each other. This deepens the relationship to a level that is more voluntary and vulnerable.

What would marriages look like if instead of being with someone because they met a need and filled an empty void, we entered into these relationships because there is something about the other that is so desirable that (I almost said, "we can't live without") if they felt the same desire and passion for us, a glimpse of heaven on earth would be seen. I don't want to live in a world where I need things. I don't want to live in a world where I am needed. I want to live in a world where those in relationship with me are there because of desire and admiration.

~JK

You Complete Me, My Better Half.

Does God Always Get What He Wants?

Leave a comment.

A follow-up will be posted soon.

~JK

Does God Always Get What He Wants?

Perfect!

Does this picture really need an explanation?

~JK

Perfect!

The Face of Christ

This song has struck me pretty hard a few times this week. Maybe I am becomeing more aware of the poverty around me because of various things happening at church or interacting with the shattered lives of children who have been the victims of poverty related lifestyles. Its amazing how viewing the world with the lenses of this song have caused me to rethink what is important and how I react to the "crises" in my own life.

Face of Christ, by Chris Rice

He shares a room outside with a dozen other guys
And the only roof he knows is that sometimes starry sky
A tattered sleeping bag on a concrete slab is his bed
And it's too cold to talk tonight
So I just sit with him instead and think

How did I find myself in a better place
I can't look down on the frown on the other guy's face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

After sixteen years in a cold, gray prison yard
Somehow his heart is soft, but keeping simple faith is hard
He lays his Bible open on the table next to me
And as I hear his humble prayer
I feel his longing to be free someday

How did I find myself in a better place
I can't look down on the frown on the other guy's face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

See you had no choice which day you would be born
Or the color of your skin, or what planet you'd be on
Would your mind be strong, would your eyes be blue or brown
Whether daddy would be rich, or if momma stuck around at all

So if you find yourself in a better place
You can't look down on the frown on the other guy's face
You gotta stoop down low, look him square in the eye

And get a funny feeling, ‘cause you might be dealing

...How did I find myself in a better place
I can't look down on the frown on the other guy's face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

~JK

The Face of Christ

I No Longer Live

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Gal. 2:20

What does this mean?

I am laying my life down willingly.

I am not going to choose to be rescued.

I am going to forgive others.

I am going to depend on God.

I am going to suffer.

I am worth death on a cross.

I am going to rise again.

I am eternal.

~JK

I No Longer Live

S.O.A.R. - Spotlight On A Relationship

Soar: To rise or aspire to a higher or more exalted level.

Today is my parent's

Wedding Anniversary!

Mom and Dad (Jeff and Terri Kellar) have been married for 27 years. They have 3 kids and 3 grandkids! Dad serves as the Worship Minister for Kingwood Church of Christ and Mom works for The Mudpie Company, a paint your own pottery studio. Mom and Dad have been an example to me of what it means to be committed through thick and thin. I look up to them for their dedication to each other as well as their devotion to the Lord. As they become more experienced in ministry, it is incredible to see how God is using their experiences to bless those around them.

Mom and Dad, I'm proud of you!

~JK

S.O.A.R. - Spotlight On A Relationship

Love, Hesitation, & Obedience

If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.
~Oswald Chambers

What are the implications of this statement? Does our love for God and Christ merit, unquestionable obedience? Is obedience or disobedience automatically a reflection and indication of our love? Are we really hesitant to listen because we love someone or something else or have we simply temporarily forgotten that He is the way? Is my love for someone else (not myself) ever going to come into contrast with obedience to Him and if it does, does that mere hesitation mean I love the other more than Christ? Are we called to live unhesitant lives where we do not think about the weight of our love and the possible outcome of not living in sync with it?

~JK

Love, Hesitation, & Obedience

Taking the Fat out of Fatherhood

Here are some tendencies and assumptions I have noticed that I have as a father:

1. If there is something I need to do, Krista will take care of Miriam.
2. Every diaper I change is, by far, dirtier than any Krista changes.
3. If Miriam is crying and I have not been able to get her to stop, Krista knows the automatic answer and handing Miriam to her will serve as a cry-plug, thus ending the crying.
4. Krista does not mind being used as a cry-plug.
5. I seem to expect that when I get home the 9 hours I have put in are more stressful and demanding than the 9 hours Krista has put in, and I deserve a short break.

Luckily I did not notice (or these were not brought to my attention) all at once. The learning curve is pretty huge right now but I feel like the implications of these assumptions I have are pretty far reaching. Also the response to one assumption or tendency has impact over a wide range of other selfish actions. I have thought a lot about why I do some of these things and really what it comes down to is entitlement.

Entitlement describes a way of looking at life that says, “I am owed something.” It says, “Other people should cater to my needs because I have done something or I am a certain way that is deserving.” In essence it disregards the accomplishments and validity of other people and places the ownership of all the appreciation that is due on one person.

I have realized that this entitlement attitude is, ironically, what creates lazy, fat fathers. When fathers come home from work and decide without discussing with their wives that they deserve a break and sit in front of the television for an hour, this is entitlement. When after working a 40 or more hour week a man decides that he can go hunting or golfing over the weekend, leaving his wife and kids at home, this is entitlement. Unfortunately when fathers get home and need a drink to relax, and feel that one beer just isn’t enough to reward such hard work, this is entitlement. I am not suggesting that I do all these things, nor that all these things are bad at all times. I am suggesting that recognition and appreciation is not something we take, it is something we are given. When we demand time for ourselves and show an attitude of entitlement we are the only ones doing any appreciating.

The reason I say we need to take the fat out of fatherhood is not because I believe that all fathers are overweight. I simply believe that there is often a selfish, inward focused attitude behind the attitudes of fathers. I am also not suggesting that this same attitude is always at the center of overweight people. The focus here is on entitlement. How much more rewarding would the hunting trip or afternoon of golf be if it were something granted to husbands instead of taken. I think that when recognition is given to moms for their hard work and when they are shown that their full-time job of taking care of children is not taken for granted, the husbands will only find a sense of entitlement because it is given to them by their families. I think at this point it will no longer be entitlement but rather privilege.

~JK

Taking the Fat out of Fatherhood

Worthy or Not?

If you wish to learn and appreciate something worth while, then love to be unknown and considered as nothing. Truly to know and despise self is the best and most perfect counsel. To think of oneself as nothing, and always to think well and highly of others is the best and most perfect wisdom. Wherefore, if you see another sin openly or commit a serious crime, do not consider yourself better, for you do not know how long you can remain in good estate. All men are frail, but you must admit that none is more frail than yourself.
~Thomas à Kempis

Are we worthy or not? I have recently been struggling through the tension of our worthiness before God. It seems that I hear many different perspectives on it. “In order to find grace we must realize our unworthiness,” “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Heb 4:16),” “Love to be unknown and considered as nothing.” Where do I find myself in my relationship to God? Am I worthy or not? Should I only consider myself unworthy when I am thinking about other people? Does God only consider me worthy if I am making myself unworthy? Should I really love to be unknown and considered as nothing and is this what God desires for me to strive for if he himself loves me and considers me a child of his. Are we worthy or not?

~JK

Worthy or Not?

The Character of Parenthood

There are several things that have been swimming through my head recently regarding children. A mixture of events has caused me to seriously reflect the nature of parenthood and how people are so different when it comes to the experiences which give their parenting a specific personality.

Several people have commented on how laid back Krista and I are as parents. I am not sure why we so laid back or what exactly they mean by that, but (right now) it seems like a good thing. I am constantly learning about what it takes for me to be a good dad. Krista will be returning to work soon and I will need to be able to take care of Miriam on my own. I am not sure I am totally ready for this. The biggest challenge is feeding her. I have tried to give her a bottle several times and she can definetely tell a difference. This means there is a lot of loud screaming and wigling around in her efforts to communicate with me that my efforts to feed her are not adequate. In this situation, I am forced to be calm and patient.

....not always easy.

We have some good friends here in Abilene who have been on an emotional roller coaster recently with their own pregnancy. They were overjoyed when they found out they were pregnant, heartbroken when the ER doctor told them they were having a miscarriage, slightly relieved when their OBGYN told them to disregard the ER doctor's prognosis and now they are living week to week waiting and hoping that they will continue to hear good news. Six weeks into pregnancy and their prespective on parenting is already being shaped by the prospect of losing a child. In the midst of it, they have found comfort and care in the prayers and concerns of their church family.

At work, I am constantly reminded that there are some who handle the pressure much differently. I get the feeling that what characterizes their parenting is not patience and calmness, seeing the child as one of the most precious gifts God could ever give them. Rather the child is a burden, one that is an inconvenience and disposable. Why else would a parent voluntarily give up their parental rights of the child over to the state, or pass their daughter around to a group of boyfriends or hold their son's hands in a pot of hot oil?

Through it all, I am convinced that the meaning behind God our father and us his children sheds light onto what parenthood should be characterized by. We are not disposable, it isnt always easy but there is always someone who cares.

~JK

The Character of Parenthood

Miriam

This is by far my favorite picture of Miriam so far. It is truly amazing how much time out of my day is used up just looking at this little girl. She is truly beautiful. God has blessed us incredibly.

~JK

Miriam

Hope for Tomorrow, Inc.

I started a new job about 3 weeks ago. I am the new clinical case manager at Hope for Tomorrow. HFT is a non-profit foster and adoption placement agency. They are extremely Christ centered in their approach to providing children removed from their homes by the state the kind of care they need.
My job to ensure that the treatment plans written on all the children are meeting the minimum standards set by the state and our licensing agencies. I also am in charge of contracting with therapists across the state to provide counseling for each child.

So far, I have really enjoyed my job. It is challenging at times because I read about why children are taken from their homes and the behavioral problems which are (in my mind) the direct result of not having positive influences in their life. It is rewarding to know that I have a part in helping them to know Christ through the team assigned to work with them. So many of these kids would certainly not have had the chance to develop a relationship with Him if they had not been taken from the home. The efforts of the HFT staff may not end in children having life-long relationships with Jesus, but hopefully they are able to see that there are people who are not going to take advantage or neglect them.

~JK

Hope for Tomorrow, Inc.

Enjoying the Journey

I say its not so bad...Perhaps that is because I am not getting up as much in the middle of the night as Krista is. Perhaps this is because, while I have emotional needs that are being met as I hold her and care for her, Miriam does not depend on me for anything she needs in order to survive. I do not seem to mind waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers or to burp her. Her crying is even cute sometimes when her little lip quivers. Its really not as bad as people make it out to be. Or perhaps...

I just love being a father.

I have not experienced anything so far that I have not enjoyed about having an infant. All along, since we found out we were pregnant (I say "we" because as a family systems theorist, when there is a change in one part of the system, there is always a change in the rest of the system....We were pregnant....We had a baby) we have tried to take everything that happens as an opportunity to learn something new. A good friend of mine once said to enjoy the journey. I think this approach to life helps me to not be bothered by the 3 am feedings or the wacky emotions of a pregnant woman. Looking at life as a journey, I see each moment as a chance to realize something new.

When Miriam cries at night and I wake her up, check her diaper and do not find anything, instead of getting frustrated that I got up for nothing, I get to see Krista - as tired as she is - wake up and feed her without complaining. She may even sometimes smile as I hand Miriam to her and say lovingly, "Are you hungry precious?" I am enjoying the journey. I love to see the joy that my daughter brings to life and the faces on others as she begins to cry. I am not in a hurry to see her grow up, I do not pine for the day she is sleeping through the night or for the day she says, "Daddy" for the first time. I loved today because I got to see her smile. I loved the five minute break I had just now so I could put her to bed.

I am enjoying the journey.

~JK

Enjoying the Journey

It takes a village...

There's an African proverb which says, "It takes a village to raise a child." The good news is that we now have a child. The sad news is that part of the vilalge left yesterday.

On August 28th at 8:49 am, Miriam Grace Kellar entered the world. Her dad, and her Mimi were both in the room as she entered it. It was beautiful. I never thought a greyish-blue, cottage cheese covered being could be so incredible....but she was. We spent the next 36 hours oohing and aahhing over her in the hospital. Then we brought her home and havent stopped the oohing and aahhing. Krista's mom was here all week with us to help adjust to having a third Kellar in the home. She left our home yesterday and it was a sad day. Krista cried, I sighed, Miriam just slept as if nothing was changing. The last 24 hours have been very interesting, just seeing how life is going to be as a family of three (for a while at least). It is wonderful having Miriam home with us now. I have commented several times about how in a matter of seconds, she went from being someone who needed rather little attention to someone who is in constant need of attention and supervision. It is a joy having her here. Krista will be staying home for a few months to further help us adjust. Since Sally (a.k.a. Mimi) was here, I realized how important it is to have a parent devote constant attention to their child. Everything went very smooth while she was here. They still seem to be going fine, although it will take a week or two before we run out of clean laundary and food that was brought by friends. It has been great seeing the support of friends and family in the first week of her life. It's a good feeling to know that there is a village that already loves her (almost) as much as we do.

~JK

It takes a village...

Miriam's First Picture

Here is a 4d sonogram picture of Miriam we had a couple months ago. The detail is incredible. It was at this moment that it really hit home that she is being knit together in Krista's womb!

~JK

Miriam's First Picture

In brief...

Here are the bulleted highlights of the last month or so:

• Krista and I both graduated with our Masters degrees last friday.
• Krista is dilated to 1.5 and has been have some contractions each day
• We had a baby shower where Miriam received enough pink clothing to last till she is 16 years old.
• I began a new job on Tuesday for an adoption/foster casre placement agency. I am the clinical case manager for half of Texas servicing over 600 kids and 200 families.

I guess that is the gist of what is happening. Send me an email of you want more details!

~JK

In brief...