Late Night Distractions

Back to the subject of oneness. I was reading more from Every Woman's Desire (Now called Every Man's Marriage) and the authors were talking about how oneness starts with submission. They cited the verse in Ephesians about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving their wives. The conclusion was that even though it doesnt say men are to submit to their wives, if we are to have oneness with them, as Christ does with his church, submission is the only path. I decided that a typical way men try to get wives to submit is to have them do work around the house. Tonight Krista went to visit her grandparents in Throckmorton, TX (pop. 900) so I thought I would surprise her by doing what other men might consider womens work. I did a little laundary, cleaned up the kitchen, tidied up the living room, saw the computer sitting on the couch, bent over to put it away and started checking my email. I then started blog chasing and now...I am posting on how easily I get distracted from doing things to submit. I didn't think becoming one would be so difficult. I know there is MUCH more to being one than housework - thank goodness. I know Krista will appreciate what I did, but as I have been at the computer for too long, I am tired and plan on going to bed, not having accomplished what I wanted to do. I am not sure where I meant for this to go but when I began writing it, I had some thought about the difficulty of trying to become one and how easily we get distracted by other less important things.

~JK

Late Night Distractions

A Bun in the Oven!!!

September 10th. That is the day that mine and Krista's life will change forever. September 10th is the date that in Dr. Tadvick's divine knowledge, has been decided that our first baby will be born! It is a day we are looking forward to! Here are a few of the first pictures!

This was taken at about 5 weeks. We nicknamed baby, "Dot."

These two are the same picture, one is just magnified. This was at about 8 weeks. "Dot" was affectionately renamed, "Blur."

Here's the story about how it happened...well...in a way:
Krista has been asking and asking about when we can have "the talk." I got tired of her asking and said that I wasnt even willing to talk about it until 9 months before we graduate, a.k.a. December. The beginning of December came around and Krista was nice enough to remind me (I knew it was December, but I like to tease her). I told her we still had another 30 days until December was over. I said this because I was really planning on giving her a late Christmas present. My Christmas present to her was that I was really ready and excited about deciding to start trying to have kids! About a week after Christmas, I planned a nice dinner and in my own special way (...not telling this part) I shared with her that I wanted to have kids.

A week later, I was taking a nap and Krista woke me up to ask me where some cash was. I thought this was strange so I told her there was some in my wallet. I pretended to go back to sleep and heard Krista leave. She came back a few minutes later and went straight into the bathroom and closed the door. This was also strange since when we are home alone, the door never gets closed. A few minutes later she came hopping out and was running around the house looking for something (I am still pretending to be napping and she is trying to be as quite as a woman who just had a positive pregnancy test can be). She came tip-toeing into the bedroom holding a box with a ribbon around it with me lying there with my eyes closed. Before she got to the bed to wake me up, I said, "You're pregnant aren't you!?!" "Hey!" she said as I got up and opened the box to see that there was indeed a home pregnancy test indicating that we would be having a baby.

Maybe it is just the skeptical side of me, but when a home pregnancy test claims to be 98.5 percent effective, I feel like I might fall into that category of people in the 1.5 percent who make all these plans to have a baby and then find out that there is a reason they make that claim. We did another home pregnancy test. Again...positive. We decided that we could probably rely on two positive tests. Looking back we think about how God must have been laughing when we were sitting there making plans while Krista had been pregnant for 3 weeks already. So the grandparents were told and the doctors appointments were made. Keep us in your continued prayers. We have had good results at the doctors visits so far. For now...we wait !

~JK

A Bun in the Oven!!!

Counseling the Katrina Aftermath

Nearly six months after hurricanes Katrina and Rita hit the gulf coast, there are still relief efforts being formed. This morning in our MFI staff meeting, Dr. Halstead told us about an opportuinity to go to New Orleans and counsel those who are dealing with the stress that has compounded over the last 6 months. It is amazing to see the long term effects this disaster is having on people. They struggle with not knowing what their future holds. As they try to repair the damage, they face constant reminders of loved ones who died and belongings they can never get back. Apparently, there is still an overwhelming amount of aid that is being sent down there. Church groups and relief agencies have hundreds of volunteers willing to go and muck out the houses. I have an opportunity to go and help people muck out their hearts. There is a Christian organization being formed to help with future crisis/relief needs as well. In addition, we will have the chance to lead a marriage enrochment seminar at the congregation that is putting this all together. Keep us in your prayers as we prepare to help!

~JK

Counseling the Katrina Aftermath

Desensitized?

It has happened. Yesterday I was sitting with Krista watching a movie. It had been a long day and I had seen a couple clients and I was thinking about how varied my life is. I sit in a counseling room as people poor out their hearts and troubles and I interact with them about them hoping that a word I say will offer a glimpse of hope and light in their darkness. Then I go home and eat supper. I listen to people talk about addictions, abuse and aimlessness and then head off to Wal-mart. Perhaps it is out of necessity, but I feel as though I have been desensitized. Should it be so easy to compartmentalize my life in such a way that I can be crying with a client one minute and laughing as I watch Dumb and Dumber the next? Maybe this isn't desensitization but something else. Every now and then I catch a glimpse of my life from a different perspective and it shocks me. What if I have things all wrong? Should I feel so much compassion that it is on my heart constantly? How do I appropriately separate my feelings of hurt and sorrow for my clients and my life outside the counseling room? These things keep me wondering about the joy of the Lord and his sorrow over the actions of his creation.

~JK

Desensitized?

A Decision Not to Love

What is the difference between oneness and love? Me and Dannie Rio were talking yesterday about love and oneness in marriage. A book we are reading said that a woman's essence sets the standard for oneness. We were quite sure how to take that. At first I was a little offended. I thought why should the woman be the one who sets the standard for my marriage. Immediately after vocalizing this frustration to Dannie, I realized it. The very reason women set this standard is seen in my frustration with it. There is something rebellious in man that wants to be the one to be independent. We want to take care of things on our own and when we have to depend on someone else, or open up to someone else, we resist. By being frustrated with the fact that it is probably true about her essence, I illustrate how this standard is something more difficult for me to achieve than her.

This doesnt mean that either one of us loves the other more or less. Oneness and love are two totally separate ideas. I have counseled many divorcing couples who say, "I still love him." Is this true. I think it probably is, but they certainly do not have oneness. I have decided not to strive to love Krista anymore. I want to be one with her. I think love is a component necessary for oneness and by settling for love, I may not have anything different than the divorcing couple I see each week.

~JK

A Decision Not to Love

Speaking of the Unspeakable

I am on break from my sex therapy class right now. We are talking about childhood sexual abuse and it struck me. This is not a topic that we have really talked much about in our churches. Why is that? Why is it that we have been so afraid to address this horrible sin and to confront it in a setting where people ought to feel that they can have the most love and support? Why have we been so afraid to help those who couldn't speak for themselves and resist those who have been more powerful? How can we make the church into a place where instead of perpetuating the abuser-victim's "No-Talk Rule" that we learn to speak about the unspeakable?

~JK

Speaking of the Unspeakable